Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A Word on Closure

When God removes a romantic relationship from our lives sometimes it can be quite painful…especially when it is someone we genuinely care about. But what I’ve learned is that He doesn’t make ANY mistakes. He knows what’s best and I have to trust that He is only protecting me from that which I cannot see and preparing me for something better.

When I was 18, there was a guy who I thought was THE ONE. I thought him the most beautiful, intelligent, and talented young man I had ever met. In my mind, he could have talked to any woman he wanted to…and he chose me. And I was honored.

We talked on the phone or hung out almost every day until the one day I didn’t hear from him. I called and there was no answer. The next day I called and still there was no answer. A week later (in the midst of me worrying, crying, and then worrying some more) he called and told me that something traumatic had happened and that he would never be able to return to L.A. My heart sank. I couldn’t understand it. Things were progressing so nicely between us so how could this be happening?

When we hung up the phone that day, life as I had known it had CHANGED forever. I had HUNDREDS of unanswered questions and I can’t begin to express my anguish. My anguish turned to anger—and of course it was directed toward God. How could He allow this to happen? Why did He remove someone I cared so much about? Why hadn’t I been allowed to say goodbye face to face? Why had I given up so much of my heart and myself to someone who had left so soon?

I felt stupid.

It took me years to get over him—and when I say years, I mean THOUSANDS of days of prayer for myself and from others, a WHOLE lot of wallowing in the mud and feasting with swine, buckets full of tears, battling my own insecurities and fears, and a great deal of unnecessary hurt and pain for my loved ones and myself.

In time, however, something amazing happened. I realized that everything that had happened was for my good. (Romans 8:28) I learned that what I thought was just right for me was not at all in line with what God had for me. I learned the importance of loving and demanding the best for myself. I learned the TRUE meaning of love. I also came to understand that everything had to happen the way it did for me to grow into the person that I am. And in the end all I can do is give God the praise for blessing me exceeding abundantly.

You see, the thing about closure is that sometimes it doesn’t come in the time frame or way that we think it should. Sometimes God chooses to close doors for us that we might not have the strength or desire to close for ourselves. And when He does, we have to praise Him even when we don’t understand. We have to know that in time it will all be clear. Instead of trying to force what isn’t meant to be or looking for answers that will never be good enough, we have to trust that God is who He says He is. We have to trust that He is looking out for us and protecting us from that which our finite eyes cannot see. We have to know that He LOVES us and is preparing us for BLESSINGS!

There will be many emotional storms throughout our lives, but there will also be rainbows at the end of them. And the rainbows are there to remind us that God was in control all along.

1 comment:

  1. Reading your blog has inspired me to hopefully sooner than later start a blog of my own. I see that it is a way to support others and create a healthy outlet for oneself. I really enjoyed reading your writing and I look forward to all of your future expressions.