With Open Arms

David Ruggles once said, “A man is sometimes lost in the dust of his own raising.” Sometimes we create the drama we are in. Sometimes we are the sole cause of our own mental agony and duress. Sometimes we need to let go of some things and forgive ourselves so that we can move on and live the good life.

When I was in college I kept quite a few journals. I wrote about EVERYTHING I was dealing with at the time. Some of the thoughts that I thought were plain twisted. Some of the people I hung with should NOT have been in my inner circle. Some of the things I did were the antithesis of the things Christians are called to do. I made excuses for everyone and everything. I was a hypocrite—I loved God but I flirted with the ways of the world.

Ever so often I would look back at those journals to remind myself of all I had been through. I tried to convince myself that revisiting what was in the journals would allow me to relate to other young ladies who are going though similar things. I reasoned that the journals would help me to see how much I had grown, but the opposite thing happened whenever I opened them up. Instead of focusing on growth, I would feel guilt. I would beat myself up for making such poor choices. I would cry and feel as emotionally distraught as I had all those years ago. I would take myself right back to those times and I would stay stuck there for a while as I worried about my daughters and prayed to God that they will be wiser than I was.

Year after year the thought of those journals haunted me. I kept them bed-side for reasons that don’t make an ounce of sense. It finally occurred to me that I had to get rid of them. I had to free myself of my past. My life as the prodigal daughter is over. The most important and meaningful part of my journey is occurring right now. 10 years later the journals have finally been shredded. I have forgiven myself. I have released myself of the guilt, the worry, the embarrassment, and the shame. A huge weight was IMMEDIATELY lifted. There’s no need to look for me in the past. I’m no longer that person and you won’t find me there. I am free!

Steven Biko said it well—“The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” I refuse to allow my past to replay itself in my mind and hold my present captive. It doesn’t matter that I asked for my inheritance, blew it, and ate with swine. What matters is that I made my way back to my Father and that He was there all along, waiting with open arms.

The Birds and the Bees

Last year Amari asked me a dreaded question. “What is sex, Mommy?” I literally panicked. I know my face was beet red. In the 30 seconds it took me to answer, I wondered where the question had come from. Was it that blasted television? Had her friends mentioned it at school? Had she happened across an inappropriate website? What should I say to her? How much does she really need to know? How much does she already know? Do I take the sex is BAAAAD approach? Do I take the good when done in God’s order approach? Do I give a light answer and hope she forgets about it? What should I do?!?!?

 

My response—“Why do you ask?” She said that she had watched an episode of “My Wife and Kids” that was about sex (and pregnancy). I decided to give her the simple answer…the easiest answer…and then I hoped she wouldn’t have any follow-up questions. She didn’t. Whew.

 

Flash forward. My family and I headed to L.A. last Friday and I had the radio tuned to KFWB where a story about 2nd graders having sex in an Oakland classroom made it across the sound waves before I could change the station. I panicked. SECOND graders? What? In a classroom? What? Did Amari hear the story as well or had the book she was reading distracted her? My face was beet red, once again. I was floored. 

 

When Amari first asked me about sex she was in the 2nd Grade. Was my answer actually good enough last year? I had given the easy answer and didn’t really explain too much, reasoning she was too young to know—but obviously that might not have been the best decision since there are second graders who were documented having sex in a CLASSROOM…I thought back and remembered that kids talked about sex ALL the time when I was in the 2nd and 3rd grades.  I don't remember what was said, but I know it was discussed at recess and lunch.

 

Hmmm…I decided I would have to tackle the subject in a little more detail. I would rather tell her what it’s all about before she hears the wrong things from her peers, television, etc.

 

A few nights ago, I sat her down. I drew pictures and everything and tried to explain how it all works, the purpose of it, and why it is intended for marriage. I told her what could happen if one engages in the act before marriage—STDs, pregnancy, etc. I explained that it is a beautiful act when done with your husband but if done before marriage a piece of yourself is left with every partner you share yourself with. I pointed out the body parts, once again, that are off limits to anyone other than herself at this time in her life. I went on to tell her the mental and emotional rollercoaster that can come about when one engages before marriage. I used myself as an example, where applicable.

 

I told her all the things I had never been told by my parents—who I assume just hoped I wouldn’t do it. My sex talk with my mom growing up was her commenting on the guests on Maury Povich. We never discussed what leads a person to have sex outside of marriage. We never explored the scriptures to find out what was written about fornication. Everything I learned, I learned from friends and television. I learned warped ideology…and I made decisions based on warped ideology—decisions that affect so many people other than just me all these years later.

 

I ended my talk by encouraging my daughter to ask me any questions she may have about sex. I told her that she shouldn’t be embarrassed and although I may seem a little uncomfortable initially, I promised to always be honest with my responses.

 

As she gets a little older, I’ll give her scriptures that coincide with the things we discuss. After all, what matters more than what I say is what God says. His word is true. It’s imperative that she knows His wishes and intentions for her life. For now, the basics about the birds and the bees have been covered.

Palate Exposure

I’ve been considered a “picky eater” my entire life. When I was a little girl I only REALLY liked steak, mashed potatoes, pizza and corn. (Oddly, the pizza had to be pepperoni, but I would pick off all the pepperoni and cheese before it touched my tongue. I still can’t explain that one.) I spent countless hours in front of the kitchen table crying while my mom made threats about what would happen if I even thought about gagging. It was awful.

Years later, there are many foods that I have never tried. Although I am still considered picky, I am actually more open to new tastes now. One of my goals for 2011 is to expose my palate to new flavors and I’m already on it.

Last night, for the first time ever, I tried (and actually enjoyed) Brussels sprouts. If you had mentioned them to me 4 years ago, I would have turned my nose up and said, “I don’t DO Brussels sprouts” even though I had never tried them. I didn’t even know what Brussels sprouts looked like until a few days ago when a recipe found its way to my inbox and piqued my interest.

Weeks of the same 4 dinners (spaghetti, tacos, fried chicken, and hamburgers) can be quite mundane, so I’m excited about all the new foods I will try this year—and I’m proud to say that I have already added a new veggie to my repertoire.

Fear Not!

Walking around fearing what could happen is a horrible way to live. Fear leads to worry, anxiety, stress, and a host of other dangerous emotions and physical manifestations of those emotions. I was so afraid of my greatest fears that I talked about them all the time, hoping they never happened. I gave them so much power and attention that before I knew it they had become my reality. It’s like I spoke them into existence. In the latter part of 2010 I was forced to come face to face with a few of my greatest fears—I was summoned to court for issues concerning Amari, I was audited by the IRS, I received a red light camera ticket, my big, big sister took sick and almost died…the list goes on.

It was all a huge eye opener for me. Now I truly UNDERSTAND that fear and faith cannot co-exist. I feel like God allowed my greatest fears to happen for a number of reasons—He wanted me to learn the importance of choosing faith over fear and fully trusting in Him. He wanted me to experience first hand why I should refuse to entertain negative thoughts and why I shouldn’t worry about ANYTHING. He wanted to show me that He is bigger than all my circumstances and better equipped than I am to work everything out.

F.E.A.R. is nothing more than False Evidence Appearing Real. I have decided that when a fearful thought enters my mind, I will not entertain it. Instead, I will trust in the Lord and remind myself of the following scriptures:

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? (Psalms 118:6)

So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me. (Heb 13:6)

In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do to me. (Psalms 56:4)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Psalms 23:4)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalms 27:1)

Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21a)

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love (1 John 4:18)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

Whatsoever is not faith is sin. (Romans 14:23b)

But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

This is the Day

Psalms 118: 24 says it plainly, "This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." My goal for 2011 is simple. I want to bask in the beauty of EACH and EVERY day that the Lord allows me to see.

I want to be glad and rejoice in this day TODAY. I want to live more in the moment...and enjoy right now...and put my total and unconditional faith and trust in God. He is in control. The past is behind me. There's no need to dwell on it. Likewise, there is no need for me to stress about tomorrow because tomorrow is exactly where it needs to be--in the Master's hands. There is no need for me to worry about anything. I am His child. He loves me...and He has already worked it all out in my favor.

Here's to a FABULOUS New Year filled with powerful thoughts, powerful words and actions, continued growth and discovery, and blessings and prosperity beyond measure on this journey called LIFE!



Eight

Eight years ago today I held you in my arms and looked into your beautiful blue eyes for the very first time. You were so dazzling. I could tell by the little dip in your gums that you were going to have a gap. How cute! You had a head full of hair and your smile was like an angel’s. You were so innocent and so perfect. I couldn’t believe that you had come from me. I felt so blessed.

Eight years ago today my life was forever changed. Something amazing happened inside of me. I knew that I could no longer compromise and do the things that my flesh-led self had once done. I knew you’d be watching me and I wanted to be the best example I could be. It was difficult at times, but slowly the Lord removed my desire to do that which was not of Him.

Eight years ago today I asked God to partner with me and parent with me. I asked Him to guide my decisions regarding you. I asked Him to show me how to love you. I asked Him to protect you. I asked Him to be your all. And He said ok. And He has provided all of our needs. And He has ordered all of our steps. And He has been our everything, just like He said He would.

Eight years later, December 10, 2010, I’m so proud of you. I see so much potential in you, and I am glad that God saw fit to bless me with you. You are a pulchritudinous and intelligent 8 year old young lady who loves the Lord. You think deeper than a lot of 8 year olds. You are constantly looking to God’s word to help you understand the world. You are confident. You’re highly self-motivated. You are a go-getter. You’re a wonderful big sister. You are a very caring person. You demand the best from others and from yourself. You are a great example to all those around you—including me.

Happy 8th Birthday, Amari. I wish you many more filled with God’s love and joy and peace. I urge you to put the Lord first in your life and promise you that if you do He will bless you beyond measure. Remember that God loves you and wants you to be happy. Don’t allow anyone to tell you that the things of this world are better than what God offers. It IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE. Please remember Mark 9:23, Psalms 119:11, Psalms 119:105, Romans 8:28 and Proverbs 3:5-6. They are lifesavers.

Amari, I thank God for you EVERY day of my life. I am so much better because of you and I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS IN ME—and I always will!

Mark 9:23

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

Psalms 119:11

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

Psalms 119:105

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Preparation is Key

My dad is an amazing man. He’s 87 years old and SHARP. He can still kick his leg in the air and touch his toe. His lye hominy, succotash, and hot water cornbread are delicious and can’t be matched! He knows every word of “’Twas the Night before Christmas”—and recites it with great emotion every year. He’s serious. He puts his best foot in EVERYTHING he does.

One thing I have learned from my dad is the importance of preparation. John F. Kennedy said, “The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” Henry Hartman said, “Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity.” My father is the embodiment of preparation. He is always READY.

On any given day you can find him in his room studying his Bible, reading a newspaper, or watching the news to keep up with current events. You can talk to him about almost anything, and he will have something intelligent to say about it. He’s charismatic and his demeanor attracts people to him. You can’t help but admire him and listen when he speaks. You care because it is obvious that he cares.

He shares knowledge about things most people are too busy to think about. On Thanksgiving, for example, my family and I cooked at my parents’ house. I asked my dad to say the prayer. We gathered around the table, starving to say the least, and before he prayed he gave a lengthy speech about the origin of Thanksgiving. None of us expected it…but he had his speech prepared and he delivered it, enlightening the young and reminding the old about where it all began. I appreciated it.

When it comes to money matters, he is on top of things. He reads every statement and hops on discrepancies right away. When tax time comes he is able to give accurate records to his preparer so that all she has to do is plug in his numbers and things go fairly smooth.

When he goes on vacation, his bags are packed neatly and efficiently. I don’t think he’s ever forgotten anything he NEEDED for a trip. His tickets are in hand and he is always on time for his flights.

When called to give accounts for any choices or decisions he’s made, he’s right there—documentation in hand—READY.

He has been in the ministry for over 53 years. In the 28 years that I’ve known him, there hasn’t been a time that he brought a message that he didn’t first prepare. I won’t say that every message he preached had the entire congregation shouting and running around the church, but I will say that the subjects had been given a great deal of thought, attention, and prayer.

My dad knocks out the stressful situations life throws him by being prepared. He enjoys the uplifting situations life sends his way because he is prepared.

One of my goals is to take my dad’s example and be better prepared for whatever comes my way. Preparation is key. And today I make the conscious decision to stay READY.