Ms. B's Road Map for Success

I was first introduced to Ms. B. when I was a freshman in high school. I grew to admire her because of her passion for her career, her family, and her community.

I have watched Ms. B. in pure adoration for years as TOO MANY great ideas to count have set up camp in her mind…and once the seeds were planted and she determined the logistics of it all, the ideas went from the planning stages to implementation. The end result was SUCCESS…every time. Her motto: “If there is something you want: Be focused. Be dedicated. And make it happen!”

Growing up in Detroit, Ms. B. was a self-proclaimed tomboy. She played HARD. Her favorite pastimes were climbing trees or houses, playing basketball, baseball and touch football. She has always been a competitive go-getter, but her athleticism didn’t take away from her femininity. She knew how to balance the shoulder pads and the Barbie dolls in order to reach the level of success that she desired. Ms. B’s father taught her that a girl should never fight. She should be able to sit down with anyone and use rational dialogue to get her points across. Her ability to do the latter has aided in her ability to get the job done.

Her parents kept her in creative arts programs offered by the community center near her childhood home. She learned to play the piano, saxophone, guitar and clarinet. She also learned modern and tap dancing as well. Her early exposure gave her a great appreciation for the arts—one that still permeates her being years later.

Ms. B’s Career Advice

When Ms. B. was in high school she decided that she wanted to attend interior design school. At the time, however, there weren’t very many opportunities for African Americans in design. She chose, instead, to marry and start a family. She took up employment at a financial institution as well. It was during that time that Ms. B. began to think seriously about her future. She looked in the mirror and did a self-assessment—focusing on who she was, what she was good at, what she wanted to do, and what, if anything, was holding her back.

Her self-reflection enabled her to realize that a few people who were a part of her life were acting as obstacles to her success. They didn’t have her best interest at heart. And although she cared for them, she had to let them go.

She decided that she wanted to become a vice president of finance or accounting at a major corporation. With that, she found individuals who already had successful careers in finance and accounting and studied them. She researched the schools they had attended, the degrees they had, the companies they worked for, etc….Her next step was to enroll in school. She started off in a community college and then transferred to the University of Detroit, where she attained a dual degree in finance and accounting. While in college she established an accounting tutoring program, spearheaded resume writing workshops, and joined professional organizations to keep her sharp and “on top of her game.”

While she was putting in the necessary work to prepare herself, God was perfecting all the details—opening some doors and closing others—setting the stage for greatness. He arranged it so that upon Ms. B’s graduation, the opportunities in accounting were endless. Because she didn’t go straight to college after finishing high school, she was a little more seasoned than some of her younger classmates. That, coupled with the fact that she was an African American woman (which had worked against her design aspirations earlier in her life) gave her a competitive edge in corporate America. There was a need for her in the accounting world! Her experience, education, and relationships had all prepared her for the moment she was finally able to step into the career blessings that God had for her.

The rest is history. She obtained a job working for a major entertainment company and worked her way to the top from there. Her current title—Vice President of Accounting.

Her strategy: “Figure out what your ultimate desire is and do the research on whatever that is. You have to do your homework and set small goals.” Each small goal that you achieve prepares you for the success of your ultimate goal…but you have to be able to SEE your ultimate goal first. Have dreams. Dream as BIG as you can—and then pursue your dreams. “If you want to be great, you have to live and breathe greatness and have an action plan. You have to know that it will come.”

Community Involvement

Ms. B. believes that it is very important to help others while traveling down the highways of life. She fervidly comments that “Life is all about doing the best you can with the time you have. You have to give back!” She says that she wouldn’t be as successful as she is today had it not been for people helping her along the way. As a result, Ms. B. is actively involved in community service organizations and activities in the Los Angeles area. Her efforts have helped hundreds of young people develop the confidence and life-skills necessary for success, fund educational endeavors, secure employment, and forage lifetime relationships with industry professionals.

Ms B.’s Future Projects

Ms. B. lives each day to the fullest. “God has given me today. I’d better do something with it. Otherwise why am I even here?” When I asked her what her plans for the future entail, she told me that her latest goal is to learn to sing (while playing her own accompaniment). She is currently taking vocal lessons, and although she doesn’t necessarily want to perform in front of an audience, she looks forward to the day she will have mastered her skills.

Ms. B. absolutely LOVES working with money, but her strong passion for interior design never died. So, the fact that she finished design school a few years ago shouldn’t come as a surprise. She is currently in the process of growing her own design company and sharing her vision with the world.

Her community involvement will also continue. Her involvement with the youth makes her feel complete. God has blessed her, and she feels that she has an obligation to encourage and assist others along their journeys.

A Final Word

I am using Ms. B’s keys to success as a road map to reach my own. In order to be successful: You have to rely on God. You HAVE to be confident. You have to be able to dream. You have to be able to visualize success. You have to be able to effectively communicate. You have to be prepared. You have to be willing to walk away from the people and things that aren’t conducive to your success. You have to give to others. You can’t make excuses. You have to demand respect from others while also giving them that same level of respect.

Thank you, Ms. B. for being the wonderful woman you are. Thank you for believing in me and taking the time out to care enough to invest your time, wisdom, and expertise in me. I hear you…and I won’t let you down.  :)

Upcoming

I’m very excited about my upcoming March blogs. From reading my past posts, I’m sure you have a pretty good idea of the things that matter most to me—God, family, love, sound mind, finances, education, helping others, nurturing gifts and abilities, valuing and believing in one’s self, etc.

Not too long ago one of my co-workers presented me with an interesting question—If I could create a council of advisors, alive or dead (to provide guidance, insight, and inspiration), who would be on it? I started naming names—Jesus (definitely. I can’t go wrong with Him leading the way), Abraham Lincoln (he was a trailblazer and knew how to get lasting results), Malcolm X (he stood firmly in his beliefs, was open to new ideas and wasn’t too proud to admit when he was wrong), Warren Buffett (he’s a financial mastermind), and my father (he came from humble beginnings and has done very well in spite of the odds. God is undeniably the head of his life).

As I was naming my council members (comprised of all men for the first 2 minutes of me answering the question), I shifted gears and began to think about the ladies who would be on my council. I realized that they are all women who are currently a part of my life. My list of ladies led me to think about how blessed I am to have such amazing women in my life—providing support and encouragement, being great examples and role models, and challenging me to think outside of my self-imposed boxes and demand the best from myself at all times. I decided at that moment that I had to pay homage to them in some way…and why not via Journey, Discovery, and Growth?

In March, my blogs will focus on four women (in honor of Women’s History Month) who I greatly admire. They are God-fearing. They are go-getters. They are successful. They are ladies who know how to prioritize. They know how to enjoy life. They live their dreams every day. They are God’s gifts to me, and I thank Him for them. They inspire me. I know that if they can do it all, so can I. I’m sure they will have the same impact on you as well.

Please stay tuned. :)

Lou

Pass the EERIOS, Please!

I took a course on investing during the summer of 2009. One evening the instructor asked an interesting question—do you buy the same brand names that your parents bought when you were growing up? My answer was yes, of course.

My mother has always been VERY frugal, but she ALWAYS bought brand name items that were on sale and had corresponding coupons in the L.A. Times to go along with them. She bought in bulk, so rarely did we run out of things. Many years later (and regardless of whether I had a coupon or not), I bought the exact same products that I had been accustomed to using in my mother’s home. Regardless of how much the name brand item cost and no matter whether the store brand promised the same quality as the name brand item, I wouldn’t touch the product if it didn’t say Johnson & Johnson’s, Del Monte, Glad, Ziploc, Tropicana, Hunt’s, etc.

My eyes were opened to a whole new world approximately 5 years ago. I started paying attention to how much farther $10 could go for friends who shopped at the 99 Cent Store as opposed to me. They would have 9 items at the end of the day, and I would only have 2…and I can’t stand for people to out-save me. I refused to embrace this new world, reasoning that a can of Hormel Chili from the 99 Cent Store isn’t the same as the Hormel Chili from Vons, but that just wasn’t the truth. It took me 4 years to fully step into this world, but I’m glad I did. It is a world where I will still spend a pretty penny on those things that are important and/or “worth it” to me but for things that aren’t as important—things that I HATE buying anyway—I am open to spending less for the store brand as long as the taste and quality aren’t compromised.

I am actually comfortable using Equate lotion as opposed to Aveeno. Equate saves me at least $2 a bottle. Up also makes great baby powder…I can save at least $1 on that one. I will buy the Up brand of Q-Tips because they work just as well as the Q-Tip brand and they are at least $1.50 cheaper. I will buy pork chops at Fresh & Easy as opposed to Ralph’s because the price and quality are just right at Fresh & Easy.

Again, I will pay more for the things that are worth it to me. Filet mignon from Trader Joe’s is worth it to me. Charmin Extra Soft toilet tissue is worth it to me. Don Francisco Coffee is worth it to me. Other things are NOT—and now that I’m asking myself the point of spending an extra $4 on Glad trash bags when the UP brand works just as well, I’m not wasting as much money, and it feels good.

With Open Arms

David Ruggles once said, “A man is sometimes lost in the dust of his own raising.” Sometimes we create the drama we are in. Sometimes we are the sole cause of our own mental agony and duress. Sometimes we need to let go of some things and forgive ourselves so that we can move on and live the good life.

When I was in college I kept quite a few journals. I wrote about EVERYTHING I was dealing with at the time. Some of the thoughts that I thought were plain twisted. Some of the people I hung with should NOT have been in my inner circle. Some of the things I did were the antithesis of the things Christians are called to do. I made excuses for everyone and everything. I was a hypocrite—I loved God but I flirted with the ways of the world.

Ever so often I would look back at those journals to remind myself of all I had been through. I tried to convince myself that revisiting what was in the journals would allow me to relate to other young ladies who are going though similar things. I reasoned that the journals would help me to see how much I had grown, but the opposite thing happened whenever I opened them up. Instead of focusing on growth, I would feel guilt. I would beat myself up for making such poor choices. I would cry and feel as emotionally distraught as I had all those years ago. I would take myself right back to those times and I would stay stuck there for a while as I worried about my daughters and prayed to God that they will be wiser than I was.

Year after year the thought of those journals haunted me. I kept them bed-side for reasons that don’t make an ounce of sense. It finally occurred to me that I had to get rid of them. I had to free myself of my past. My life as the prodigal daughter is over. The most important and meaningful part of my journey is occurring right now. 10 years later the journals have finally been shredded. I have forgiven myself. I have released myself of the guilt, the worry, the embarrassment, and the shame. A huge weight was IMMEDIATELY lifted. There’s no need to look for me in the past. I’m no longer that person and you won’t find me there. I am free!

Steven Biko said it well—“The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” I refuse to allow my past to replay itself in my mind and hold my present captive. It doesn’t matter that I asked for my inheritance, blew it, and ate with swine. What matters is that I made my way back to my Father and that He was there all along, waiting with open arms.

The Birds and the Bees

Last year Amari asked me a dreaded question. “What is sex, Mommy?” I literally panicked. I know my face was beet red. In the 30 seconds it took me to answer, I wondered where the question had come from. Was it that blasted television? Had her friends mentioned it at school? Had she happened across an inappropriate website? What should I say to her? How much does she really need to know? How much does she already know? Do I take the sex is BAAAAD approach? Do I take the good when done in God’s order approach? Do I give a light answer and hope she forgets about it? What should I do?!?!?

 

My response—“Why do you ask?” She said that she had watched an episode of “My Wife and Kids” that was about sex (and pregnancy). I decided to give her the simple answer…the easiest answer…and then I hoped she wouldn’t have any follow-up questions. She didn’t. Whew.

 

Flash forward. My family and I headed to L.A. last Friday and I had the radio tuned to KFWB where a story about 2nd graders having sex in an Oakland classroom made it across the sound waves before I could change the station. I panicked. SECOND graders? What? In a classroom? What? Did Amari hear the story as well or had the book she was reading distracted her? My face was beet red, once again. I was floored. 

 

When Amari first asked me about sex she was in the 2nd Grade. Was my answer actually good enough last year? I had given the easy answer and didn’t really explain too much, reasoning she was too young to know—but obviously that might not have been the best decision since there are second graders who were documented having sex in a CLASSROOM…I thought back and remembered that kids talked about sex ALL the time when I was in the 2nd and 3rd grades.  I don't remember what was said, but I know it was discussed at recess and lunch.

 

Hmmm…I decided I would have to tackle the subject in a little more detail. I would rather tell her what it’s all about before she hears the wrong things from her peers, television, etc.

 

A few nights ago, I sat her down. I drew pictures and everything and tried to explain how it all works, the purpose of it, and why it is intended for marriage. I told her what could happen if one engages in the act before marriage—STDs, pregnancy, etc. I explained that it is a beautiful act when done with your husband but if done before marriage a piece of yourself is left with every partner you share yourself with. I pointed out the body parts, once again, that are off limits to anyone other than herself at this time in her life. I went on to tell her the mental and emotional rollercoaster that can come about when one engages before marriage. I used myself as an example, where applicable.

 

I told her all the things I had never been told by my parents—who I assume just hoped I wouldn’t do it. My sex talk with my mom growing up was her commenting on the guests on Maury Povich. We never discussed what leads a person to have sex outside of marriage. We never explored the scriptures to find out what was written about fornication. Everything I learned, I learned from friends and television. I learned warped ideology…and I made decisions based on warped ideology—decisions that affect so many people other than just me all these years later.

 

I ended my talk by encouraging my daughter to ask me any questions she may have about sex. I told her that she shouldn’t be embarrassed and although I may seem a little uncomfortable initially, I promised to always be honest with my responses.

 

As she gets a little older, I’ll give her scriptures that coincide with the things we discuss. After all, what matters more than what I say is what God says. His word is true. It’s imperative that she knows His wishes and intentions for her life. For now, the basics about the birds and the bees have been covered.

Palate Exposure

I’ve been considered a “picky eater” my entire life. When I was a little girl I only REALLY liked steak, mashed potatoes, pizza and corn. (Oddly, the pizza had to be pepperoni, but I would pick off all the pepperoni and cheese before it touched my tongue. I still can’t explain that one.) I spent countless hours in front of the kitchen table crying while my mom made threats about what would happen if I even thought about gagging. It was awful.

Years later, there are many foods that I have never tried. Although I am still considered picky, I am actually more open to new tastes now. One of my goals for 2011 is to expose my palate to new flavors and I’m already on it.

Last night, for the first time ever, I tried (and actually enjoyed) Brussels sprouts. If you had mentioned them to me 4 years ago, I would have turned my nose up and said, “I don’t DO Brussels sprouts” even though I had never tried them. I didn’t even know what Brussels sprouts looked like until a few days ago when a recipe found its way to my inbox and piqued my interest.

Weeks of the same 4 dinners (spaghetti, tacos, fried chicken, and hamburgers) can be quite mundane, so I’m excited about all the new foods I will try this year—and I’m proud to say that I have already added a new veggie to my repertoire.

Fear Not!

Walking around fearing what could happen is a horrible way to live. Fear leads to worry, anxiety, stress, and a host of other dangerous emotions and physical manifestations of those emotions. I was so afraid of my greatest fears that I talked about them all the time, hoping they never happened. I gave them so much power and attention that before I knew it they had become my reality. It’s like I spoke them into existence. In the latter part of 2010 I was forced to come face to face with a few of my greatest fears—I was summoned to court for issues concerning Amari, I was audited by the IRS, I received a red light camera ticket, my big, big sister took sick and almost died…the list goes on.

It was all a huge eye opener for me. Now I truly UNDERSTAND that fear and faith cannot co-exist. I feel like God allowed my greatest fears to happen for a number of reasons—He wanted me to learn the importance of choosing faith over fear and fully trusting in Him. He wanted me to experience first hand why I should refuse to entertain negative thoughts and why I shouldn’t worry about ANYTHING. He wanted to show me that He is bigger than all my circumstances and better equipped than I am to work everything out.

F.E.A.R. is nothing more than False Evidence Appearing Real. I have decided that when a fearful thought enters my mind, I will not entertain it. Instead, I will trust in the Lord and remind myself of the following scriptures:

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? (Psalms 118:6)

So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me. (Heb 13:6)

In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do to me. (Psalms 56:4)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Psalms 23:4)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalms 27:1)

Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21a)

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love (1 John 4:18)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

Whatsoever is not faith is sin. (Romans 14:23b)

But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)