Eight

Eight years ago today I held you in my arms and looked into your beautiful blue eyes for the very first time. You were so dazzling. I could tell by the little dip in your gums that you were going to have a gap. How cute! You had a head full of hair and your smile was like an angel’s. You were so innocent and so perfect. I couldn’t believe that you had come from me. I felt so blessed.

Eight years ago today my life was forever changed. Something amazing happened inside of me. I knew that I could no longer compromise and do the things that my flesh-led self had once done. I knew you’d be watching me and I wanted to be the best example I could be. It was difficult at times, but slowly the Lord removed my desire to do that which was not of Him.

Eight years ago today I asked God to partner with me and parent with me. I asked Him to guide my decisions regarding you. I asked Him to show me how to love you. I asked Him to protect you. I asked Him to be your all. And He said ok. And He has provided all of our needs. And He has ordered all of our steps. And He has been our everything, just like He said He would.

Eight years later, December 10, 2010, I’m so proud of you. I see so much potential in you, and I am glad that God saw fit to bless me with you. You are a pulchritudinous and intelligent 8 year old young lady who loves the Lord. You think deeper than a lot of 8 year olds. You are constantly looking to God’s word to help you understand the world. You are confident. You’re highly self-motivated. You are a go-getter. You’re a wonderful big sister. You are a very caring person. You demand the best from others and from yourself. You are a great example to all those around you—including me.

Happy 8th Birthday, Amari. I wish you many more filled with God’s love and joy and peace. I urge you to put the Lord first in your life and promise you that if you do He will bless you beyond measure. Remember that God loves you and wants you to be happy. Don’t allow anyone to tell you that the things of this world are better than what God offers. It IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE. Please remember Mark 9:23, Psalms 119:11, Psalms 119:105, Romans 8:28 and Proverbs 3:5-6. They are lifesavers.

Amari, I thank God for you EVERY day of my life. I am so much better because of you and I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS IN ME—and I always will!

Mark 9:23

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

Psalms 119:11

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

Psalms 119:105

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Preparation is Key

My dad is an amazing man. He’s 87 years old and SHARP. He can still kick his leg in the air and touch his toe. His lye hominy, succotash, and hot water cornbread are delicious and can’t be matched! He knows every word of “’Twas the Night before Christmas”—and recites it with great emotion every year. He’s serious. He puts his best foot in EVERYTHING he does.

One thing I have learned from my dad is the importance of preparation. John F. Kennedy said, “The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” Henry Hartman said, “Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity.” My father is the embodiment of preparation. He is always READY.

On any given day you can find him in his room studying his Bible, reading a newspaper, or watching the news to keep up with current events. You can talk to him about almost anything, and he will have something intelligent to say about it. He’s charismatic and his demeanor attracts people to him. You can’t help but admire him and listen when he speaks. You care because it is obvious that he cares.

He shares knowledge about things most people are too busy to think about. On Thanksgiving, for example, my family and I cooked at my parents’ house. I asked my dad to say the prayer. We gathered around the table, starving to say the least, and before he prayed he gave a lengthy speech about the origin of Thanksgiving. None of us expected it…but he had his speech prepared and he delivered it, enlightening the young and reminding the old about where it all began. I appreciated it.

When it comes to money matters, he is on top of things. He reads every statement and hops on discrepancies right away. When tax time comes he is able to give accurate records to his preparer so that all she has to do is plug in his numbers and things go fairly smooth.

When he goes on vacation, his bags are packed neatly and efficiently. I don’t think he’s ever forgotten anything he NEEDED for a trip. His tickets are in hand and he is always on time for his flights.

When called to give accounts for any choices or decisions he’s made, he’s right there—documentation in hand—READY.

He has been in the ministry for over 53 years. In the 28 years that I’ve known him, there hasn’t been a time that he brought a message that he didn’t first prepare. I won’t say that every message he preached had the entire congregation shouting and running around the church, but I will say that the subjects had been given a great deal of thought, attention, and prayer.

My dad knocks out the stressful situations life throws him by being prepared. He enjoys the uplifting situations life sends his way because he is prepared.

One of my goals is to take my dad’s example and be better prepared for whatever comes my way. Preparation is key. And today I make the conscious decision to stay READY.

All Eyes Are On Me

I’m being watched. Everything I do is being scrutinized—and then emulated. And everything I say is being recorded—and then regurgitated. Can you imagine that? There are literally at least 2 sets of eyes studying my every move and 2 sets of ears listening to my every word every single day of my life…

If I put on skinny jeans and boots, sure enough there is a 7 year old in skinny jeans and boots and a 2 year old in Dora panties and boots looking right back at me and smiling. If I put on my sunglasses and look through the rear-view mirror, I will see 2 pair of shades staring back at me. When I listen to Amari playing teacher in her room, she sounds just like I do when I am checking her homework in the evenings. And when Halle brushes her father’s head a little too hard, she says, “I sorry, daddy” JUST LIKE I DO to her.

This got me to thinking. There are many ways that we can be witnesses for Christ…and one is to live for God and walk upright in our very own homes. The way I live in front of my children when no one is around is of the utmost importance. It affects how they see themselves, how they see our world, and how they see Christ.

Proverbs 22: 6 says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. I’m nowhere near perfect, but I am working diligently to be a great example for my children. With the help of God, I am training them well.

I want my children to be honest, so I am honest and I stress the importance of being honest. I want them to understand forgiveness, so I forgive…and I love. I want them to be kind to others…so I am kind. I use situations that our loved ones go through to explain God’s order and the importance of living within His will and being obedient. I want them to always put their best foot forward, so I don’t accept mediocrity. I want them to live for Christ…so I do.

When I am driving down the street and someone cuts me off, I have a choice. I can use profanity and blow that person off the road or I can breathe, slow down, and thank God for traveling grace. The choice is mine to make…but all eyes are on me, and the choice I make affects more than just me--so I must choose wisely.

On Friendship

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. (Proverbs 13:20)

If asked to describe my friends, I would say that they are those who I enjoy spending time with and talking to the most. They are people who are honest with me even when the truth isn’t easy for me to hear. They are positive, upbeat, optimistic, fun-loving, and God-fearing people. They care about me and would “ride or die” if the situation called for it. They are compassionate and understanding. They rejoice with me when good things come my way. They are not jealous of me at all. I can trust them. I know that they would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. My friends are all goal oriented and constantly seeking to grow into their better and stronger selves. They are driven and supportive and challenge me to be better. I look to them for strength, godly counsel, and wisdom.

I hope they would describe me the same way as well.

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

It took an incident in which I wasn’t the “friendliest” to rock my world and show me the importance of not only having good friends, but of being a good one too. One day in high school, one of my dearest friends asked me to sit next to her on the school bus because she REALLY needed to talk. I don’t know what was wrong with me that day, but I told her that I didn’t want to change my seat and she was welcome to sit next to me if she needed to talk. She looked at me with such hurt in her eyes and I looked past her hurt and turned away. By the end of the bus ride, she hadn’t moved and neither had I. Her heart ached and mine was filled with anger (since that was the emotion I ran to when I didn’t know what else to feel). That day changed our relationship. We went from being inseparable to seeing each other in the hallways and looking the other way.

I later found out that she was dealing with a weighty family situation and didn’t think anyone would understand better than I would. This friend was someone who was usually in a better mood than I was, but in her (rare) moment of need I wasn’t there for her. Why? There was honestly no good reason. When I found this out, I felt terrible. I attempted to apologize a few times after that, but she was too hurt to hear me…

We eventually reconciled years later, thank God, but I missed a lot of opportunities to celebrate her life with her and vice versa because of that one moment when I was too stubborn and too selfish to be a good friend. Me staying in my seat wasn’t worth what I lost.

That situation taught me that being a good friend means sometimes stepping outside of my comfort zone, getting over myself, and being aware of and sensitive to the needs and desires of others. To have friends, I MUST be one.

Me, Defined

If I allowed others to define me, I’d be a messed up individual. You name the term, it would be me—trifling, selfish, stubborn, stupid, indecisive, helpless, dirty, nasty, unsuccessful, average, ugly, mean, bitch. I’ve been called them all—and sometimes by those I love the most—and sometimes by those who know me the best. If family, friends and associates label me outside of my name, the labels must be true, right? And if they’re true, I might as well define myself as such and live as such, right?

Wrong. Yet those labels swirled around in my head about myself for YEARS…and the enemy smiled while my spiritual and emotional growth were stifled by my negative self image and negative self talk.

Over the course of the past year, God has allowed me to see myself through His eyes. The latter has shown me that the titles others had given me couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m God’s child. In Him I’m made perfect. Nothing about Loureva is trifling, or selfish, or dirty, or nasty, or stupid, or ugly. Nowhere in my make-up does the word bitch have a place. It is impossible for me to be anything less than a great parent when my partner is the Almighty Himself. Where I am inadequate, God is enough. And He loves me so much that at a time when I was being very critical of myself, He sent word that he was proud of me…Imagine that.

I thank God for allowing me to see myself through the eyes of truth. Who am I? I am a creative, caring, loving, encouraging, inspiring, intelligent, beautiful, talented, passionate, positive, empathetic, and optimistic spiritual woman. I am a great mother, a loving daughter, a dedicated worker, and a humble student. I speak peace and love. I am a prayer warrior. I am a woman of God. I am BLESSED and HIGHLY FAVORED. I am a child of the King, and that means that I am royalty.

If I allowed others to define me, I’d be a messed up individual. You name the term, it would be me—trifling, selfish, stubborn, stupid, helpless, dirty, nasty, unsuccessful, average, ugly, mediocre mother, mean, bitch. But I’m glad that God is the author of my life’s book. I’m glad that He knows me intimately. He is the one who defines me…and He calls me His beloved child, and He is well pleased with me.

Ephesians 1:4 – 6

1 John 4:17

THANK YOU

Thank You for Your love and affection. Thank You for Your PEACE and protection. Thank You for truth and unspeakable joy. Thank You for allowing me to feel Your presence. Thank You for talking with me every day. Thank You for walking with me every day. Thank You for sustaining me. Thank You for your mercy…and Your forgiveness. Thank You for saving me. Thank You for Your grace. Thank You for CONSTANTLY thinking of me. Thank You for holding me in Your arms and making me comfortable as I REST in You.

Thank You, oh Lord, for being who You are--my Creator, my Father, my King--my EVERYTHING.

Thank You for all the positive energy that flows in, around, and through me. Thank You for confidence. Thank You for creating me in Your image. Thank You for beauty. Thank You for Your divine favor. Thank You for opportunities to grow, and learn, and love. Thank You for my marriage. Thank You for my children. Thank You for my extended family. Thank You for my friends.

Thank You for laughter. Thank you for tender moments. Thank You for allowing me to see good in people. Thank You for your guidance. Thank You for discernment. Thank You for financial blessings. Thank You for showing me who You are (and Whose I am). Thank You for the vision You have given me. Thank You for VICTORY.

Thank You, dear Lord, for being patient with me as I grow into the person You want me to be.

Thank You for a sound mind. Thank You for great health. Thank You for supernatural healing. Thank You for deliverance. Thank you for Your Holy Word. Thank You for Spiritual growth. Thank You for loving me in spite of myself.

Thank you, my Lord, for You are all that I need.

A Word on Closure

When God removes a romantic relationship from our lives sometimes it can be quite painful…especially when it is someone we genuinely care about. But what I’ve learned is that He doesn’t make ANY mistakes. He knows what’s best and I have to trust that He is only protecting me from that which I cannot see and preparing me for something better.

When I was 18, there was a guy who I thought was THE ONE. I thought him the most beautiful, intelligent, and talented young man I had ever met. In my mind, he could have talked to any woman he wanted to…and he chose me. And I was honored.

We talked on the phone or hung out almost every day until the one day I didn’t hear from him. I called and there was no answer. The next day I called and still there was no answer. A week later (in the midst of me worrying, crying, and then worrying some more) he called and told me that something traumatic had happened and that he would never be able to return to L.A. My heart sank. I couldn’t understand it. Things were progressing so nicely between us so how could this be happening?

When we hung up the phone that day, life as I had known it had CHANGED forever. I had HUNDREDS of unanswered questions and I can’t begin to express my anguish. My anguish turned to anger—and of course it was directed toward God. How could He allow this to happen? Why did He remove someone I cared so much about? Why hadn’t I been allowed to say goodbye face to face? Why had I given up so much of my heart and myself to someone who had left so soon?

I felt stupid.

It took me years to get over him—and when I say years, I mean THOUSANDS of days of prayer for myself and from others, a WHOLE lot of wallowing in the mud and feasting with swine, buckets full of tears, battling my own insecurities and fears, and a great deal of unnecessary hurt and pain for my loved ones and myself.

In time, however, something amazing happened. I realized that everything that had happened was for my good. (Romans 8:28) I learned that what I thought was just right for me was not at all in line with what God had for me. I learned the importance of loving and demanding the best for myself. I learned the TRUE meaning of love. I also came to understand that everything had to happen the way it did for me to grow into the person that I am. And in the end all I can do is give God the praise for blessing me exceeding abundantly.

You see, the thing about closure is that sometimes it doesn’t come in the time frame or way that we think it should. Sometimes God chooses to close doors for us that we might not have the strength or desire to close for ourselves. And when He does, we have to praise Him even when we don’t understand. We have to know that in time it will all be clear. Instead of trying to force what isn’t meant to be or looking for answers that will never be good enough, we have to trust that God is who He says He is. We have to trust that He is looking out for us and protecting us from that which our finite eyes cannot see. We have to know that He LOVES us and is preparing us for BLESSINGS!

There will be many emotional storms throughout our lives, but there will also be rainbows at the end of them. And the rainbows are there to remind us that God was in control all along.