Monday, November 12, 2012

My Love Letter to My Mother (Throwback from 2002)


Ever since I can remember, you have called me your little rose.  I never really sat and thought about why until today.  There are a couple things about your relationships with roses that are reminiscent of your relationship with me.

First, you have a beautiful rose garden, for which you spend a great deal of time caring.  The roses in your garden are all different colors, yet they all receive your love and affection.  You don’t seem to be partial to the reds or oranges, nor the whites or pinks.  They all receive the same attention from you.

Second, you pick your roses with care, set them all around the house, and enjoy their beauty.  It is obvious that your tender touches mean as much to them as their pulchritude means to you.  They realize that you don’t care for them because you were forced to care, but rather because it is something that you enjoy doing.  You love having them around you. 

“Good morning, roses,” I hear you say.  And at the sound of your voice they open their arms, reach to the Heavens, and rejoice.  They appreciate your nurturing, as is evidenced by their response to your lovely face and your kind words.

It makes me feel so special to know that I am your little rose.  You have spent twenty long years watering me with your love, fertilizing me with your wisdom, tilling my soil with your kind words of encouragement, and healing my wounded spirit when different bugs and insects take advantage of my dispositions.  You have done these things faithfully and they have proven to me that you care.

You appreciate me in all the different seasons of my life and throughout the changing colors of my buds.  On days when I am happy or sad, moody or glad, angry or overjoyed, confused, downtrodden, or hysterical, you are there loving me unconditionally.  When I yell or fuss, worry or nag, you are there loving me unconditionally.  When I am not at my best, not feeling too well, insecure or defensive, you are there loving me unconditionally and in spite of my faults and mistakes.  And your presence and love have meant the world to me.

When I sit in the choir stand, catch your eyes, and see you smile lovingly upon me, I see ever so clearly that you are proud of me, and that makes me happy.  I get a wonderful feeling inside and my heart opens up and invites you to relax in its most comfortable chair, where you are forever welcome.  One look from you and I know that our love will never end.  I will love you for always and you will love me until the end of time. 

I hope you know that I love, respect, admire, and appreciate you with all that is within me!  You have been the best mother that anyone could ask for!  I am proud to be your little rose, happy and contented with the care you give, and determined to reach to the Heavens and make you proud.

With my deepest love,

(August 2002)

Friday, November 2, 2012

Seeds (Throwback from 2005)

I remember when I used to think whatever—write whatever.  Now, to the best of my ability, I censor my thoughts and control my hand so that whatever makes it to the page represents the legacy I hope to leave behind.

My creativity is not stifled because I force myself to think outside of my mental comfort zone.  To the contrary, I am free and able to experience God’s mental symphony that I thought impossible to play its sweet melody inside of me.

I allow God to plant positive seeds in the soil of my psyche…and these seeds are watered by His Holy Spirit, which is that little voice inside of me that has kept me sane and remained peaceful when all else raged. 

And it is these seeds that flower into a colossal tree inside me with braches yearning to be freed of the shell that encompasses my being.  Dying to breathe carbon dioxide and provide oxygen to the dying world around me.  It’s all about relationship.  This tree is so much bigger than me and I can no longer keep it inside.

For there is so much power in this tree that God has planted within me.  The words that He has given me are also meant for the world around me.  And in these words lie the mental, physical, and spiritual stimulation of being rooted in the Master’s undying love.  And in His infinite love, there is liberation from strongholds; there is peace in the midst of tumultuous situations; there is joy unlike the happiness any happening can bring—joy that no man can take away; there is understanding; there is truth; there is security; there is protection; there is comfort; there is freedom!

So you see, by censoring me, I become God’s vessel and He uses me to plant His seeds in the lives of others.