I was devastated when I first
found out I was pregnant. I was a
sophomore in college. I wasn’t married.
I wasn’t even in a relationship with my child’s father. I was nowhere near
financially stable. I didn’t feel I was
mature enough or kind enough or selfless enough or wise enough to raise a
baby. To make matters worse, I was the
pastor’s daughter. I sang in the
choir. I was a Sunday School teacher. I
should have known better. If I chose to keep the baby I would prove to be the
stereotypical rebellious P.K. (preacher’s kid) and my secret sin would be
exposed to the world.
I felt so ashamed. I just knew
that my mom and dad would be disappointed.
I remember thinking that terminating the pregnancy would be my best
option. That way only God and a couple
friends would know about my indiscretion. I just hoped that God would forgive
me for the choice I planned to make.
I scheduled my doctor’s
appointment for a Tuesday and was certain the test in her office would confirm
the results of two tests I had already taken at home. I was prepared to tell her that I didn’t want
to go through with the pregnancy. I
rehearsed the conversation in my mind as I headed to my parents’ home the day
before my scheduled appointment.
It was during that car ride that
the Holy Spirit spoke to me. “It will be
alright,” He said.
I shook my head. I must not have
heard correctly.
“It will be alright,” He said
again. “Don’t worry about what people think. I am with you and it will be
alright. Yes, your parents will be
disappointed, but they will love you and your child unconditionally.”
I voiced my many other concerns,
but God assured me that He would help me, that my child was a blessing, and
that He would provide all of our needs according to His riches in glory.
“I am her Father. She will be fine,” He assured me.
I remember feeling an overwhelming
sensation of love after talking honestly with my heavenly Father. I had heard about His love. I thought I understood the depths of His
love, but my conversation with Him during that car ride was when I really felt
the power of His love.
He loved me so much that He was
willing to forgive me on the spot. He
wasn’t angry with me. He just loved me. He
even promised to bless my child (and me). He offered peace, if only I would
trust Him. He promised not to let me
fall. That’s some kind of love!
Twelve years later, I look back
and see that God was true to His word.
When I first told my parents, they both responded in love—especially my
dad, who said that they would do whatever they could to support me. And he absolutely meant it. As long as they
lived they earnestly loved my daughter. They did above and beyond what was required
to make sure she knew how loved she was. I was initially worried about
graduating from college on time. I graduated on time and with honors. I didn’t
start out as an affectionate or selfless mom. I had a lot of growing up to do. But
God was right there with me. I can honestly say that I am now a wonderful mom.
And just as God promised, my daughter has been such a blessing to me. I’m still
not where I want to be financially, but my daughter has not “needed” for
anything—God has provided.
I encourage you to cast your
cares upon God because He cares for you. He will quiet your anxieties and give
you peace that surpasses understanding, if only you will trust Him. Rest
assured, when He makes a promise, He is faithful to keep it.
